Perfectly mine.

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“Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”

13 Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Luke 5:12-13

When Elly was born I put a picture of her darling face on Facebook so our friends and family could dote over her. And dote they did. On and on about how perfect she was.

I’ve since posted hundreds, but these first were so memorable because of the care that went in to hiding the damaged portions of her skin. Making her look perfect. Shewasn’t perfect… but she was perfectly mine, and I loved her.

The doctors agreed she had a genetic skin disorder called Ichthyosis. (Read more about the disease here).

There was so much uncertainty in the days and weeks that followed, it is hard to muddle through those memories and get a clear picture of anything but fear.

I was afraid.

I know that there are far worse things… but this was my child…my baby girl.

I was afraid she would never look normal. I was afraid she would be ostracized and mocked. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to protect her from staring eyes. I was afraid she would blame me… or that I would blame me. I was afraid she would never be perfect.

She wasn’t perfect… but she was perfectly mine, and I loved her.

Today Elly is 2. Yesterday she tossed a doll in the toilet, pulled my son’s hair until he cried, and attempted to throw lasagna all over the kitchen (unlucky for her, I have cat-like reflexes).

She has a wildness about her that brings such a strange combination of fear and delight. She sucks every ounce of my energy from morning to-night, and still somehow manages to replace it will joy and gladness. She brings such light.

She is not perfect, but she is perfectly mine, and I love her.

One day, she will be grown and I’ll be just a memory. I shudder to think of all the mistakes I will make between now and then. I hope she will look past them and see a heart of a mother who was never perfect… but was perfectly hers, and who loved her.

A month after Elly’s birthday, her pediatric dermatologist astounded us with news that her skin was healing itself. And although it may need extra attention, it would be easy enough to manage with long baths and fancy lotions (every girls dream prescription). Skeptics will say it was a misdiagnosis, but we praise the Lord, Jehova-Rapha, our healer. We remember that as much as we love her, He loves her. As much as she is ours, she is His, perfectly His.

You and me, our husbands, our kids, we will never be perfect. We will never look, act, or feel perfect. But because of grace, we can know perfection.

Beloved, God knows you better than you know yourself, and he loves you. You are not perfect, but you are perfectly His. You are not unlovable, you are not unbeautiful, you are not a failure, and you are not alone.

God loves you so much, He sent his son Jesus, the picture of perfection, to heal broken hearts and set captives free (Isaiah 61:1). The Bible says He is full of compassion for you (Psalm 145:8). You are precious in His sight (Isaiah 43:4). And He will love you forever (Jeremiah 31:1).

His love, beloved, is perfect.

Praying for you this week. That you will know His perfect love.

Irreconcilable Differences

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A good marriage is the union of two forgivers.

Ruth Graham

Irreconcilable Differences

Few would admit that they love a good fight. To suggest otherwise would make me seem crazy.

But statistics prove we either love to fight, or we are just too lazy to forgive.

Our unwillingness to do the work in our relationships, made famous by a little check mark next to a box that reads, irreconcilable differences.

If we were honest we’d admit the truth behind the irreconcilable mind is that we’d rather fight than forgive.

See, forgiveness is hard, but divorce… that’s a whole other story. You don’t even have to share my beliefs to agree that divorce is too easy; just check here and you’ll be free.

So instead of forgiving, we continue to fight and we start to think, “maybe next time we’ll get it right”.

And when the fighting reaches it’s ceiling, and the walls come crashing in on this whole “marriage thing”, we just shake our heads and sigh, “I guess he wasn’t the one for me”, and mark an x next to a tiny box on a page that reads, irreconcilable differences.

Irreconcilable differences, quit lying to me!! Get your hands off my marriage! Come, and see what I see.

I see a man on a cross, beaten and bleeding. To cover the very thing that made me think of leaving.

He say’s my marriage is worth it, and He’s not lying, so that divorce you are selling, you can keep it, I’m not buying.

I know true freedom isn’t found through sever. No, the kind of freedom I want, is only realized in surrender.

So I chose to lose more fights than I’ll win, and forgive often and freely; to let love, peace, and hope back in.

Because Truth, given a chance, will correct and restore. And will reconcile to Him all our differences from before. So maybe, one day, we won’t need that check box anymore.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

This is not the blog I originally set out to write. The blog I wanted to write fit nicely into 3 points that would be easy for you to remember and hard for you to ignore. Tools for your ever-growing toolbox, complete with poor attempts at humor. I planned to write that blog…and someday I might. Instead, however, I just want to beg you to make today freedom Sunday, and fight to forgive the people who’ve hurt you.

In no way am I suggesting forgiveness is easy, but I will say this:

God gives freedom through forgiveness unlike anything I’ve known, and there is enough grace to cover a whole multitude of wrongdoing. If you are struggling to forgive, I’m praying today is the day that you break free! Let God change your heart, and you can change the world.

If you’re not struggling to forgive this morning, would you join me in praying for marriages and relationships that have allowed difference to divide and sin to separate. Would you pray that they would know the freedom found in Jesus’ forgiveness, and be willing to extend that same love in response.

I’m praying for marriages this week. That they would be radical reflections of Jesus’ unending love for you and me.

PS… I’ve missed you

The music in my mind: You can’t always get what you want.

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Image

“You can’t always get what you want.

You can’t always get what you want.

You can’t always get what you want.

But if you try sometimes, you might find

You get what you need”

Rolling Stones

I hate that song.

I hate that song, because every time disappointment strikes it plays in my head like a record.

Imagine for a minute you were inside my mind (scary I know, I’ve been there). All of the sudden something disappointing happens and the best my mind can do to comfort me is play the Rolling Stones on repeat.

You can’t always get what you want.

To make matters worse I’m too young to have any fond memories attached to the band, or the song; and I’m pretty sure I don’t have “the moves like Jagger” (although I try, and I suspect we might share the same size pants…ewww).

You can’t always get what you want.

I hate that song.

The worst kind of discouragement is the kind you can’t escape. But round and round it spins making every matter worse, reminding me sometimes it doesn’t matter whether you’ve been naughty or nice:

You can’t always get what you want.

I love that song.

I love that song because after I have thrown my customary fit; which inevitably ends with kicking my imaginary Mick Jagger in the shin, I remember that I may not always get what I want, but try or not, God’s always given me what I need.

Now is a good time to change the track in your head. I prefer:

What I want is what I want ,

But what I need I got.

Sung to the tune of “What I am” by a catchy forgotten little band, Edie Brickell & the New Bohemian (I know what you’re thinking, “with a name like that it’s a wonder they were only a one-hit-wonder… 3 words: catchy little chorus)

I wont risk losing you in any more of my complex mind tours, instead, I invite you to step out of my head and into my heart.

You wont always get what you want. You can’t. Sometimes what you want is so pure and sweet that to try and make since of why you can’t have it would send our head spinning in a million directions and our hearts breaking a million times over. We wont always get what we want.

Not every child will be adopted. Not every job will pan out. Not every relationship will grow. Not every mother will stay healthy. Not every family will stay together. Not every story ends with happily ever after. And round and round to make this point; not every desire of your heart, even the sweetest ones will beat in tune with God’s melody for your life.

Not yet anyway.

Don’t lose hope.

Don’t quit.

Heaven is coming and Jesus is with you.

We may not always get what we want, but even in the darkest times, we will have everything we need.

Our hope isn’t in having our wants met with perfection, but in having our needs met through perseverance.
Our hope is in the person of Jesus.

God will never leave you or forsake you. He is your help in times of trouble. He can put a new song in your head, in your heart, and on your lips. A song of praise for every blessing He has given and the heartbreak He walks you through.

What you want is what you want, but what you need, you’ve got.

Don’t let disappointment keep you from singing. You’ve been given what you’ve got, so you can give it all you’ve got.

Sing out!

You can’t always get what you want, but when you’re trusting God, you’ll get what you need.

“I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the wonderful future He has promised to those He called. I want you to realize what a rich and glorious inheritance He has given to His people”. Ephesians 1:18

Praying for you this week, that songs of praise would be lifted high, trusting God for all our needs.

Join the conversation by leaving a comment or sharing your own story of hope for others.

The Marriage Race

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A high profile divorce made headlines again yesterday, and I prayed for you. I prayed for you and for me, for anyone who is or will be married in this generation or the next. I prayed for the future of marriage in general because sometimes it seems like the gates of hell are set against it.

The gates of hell, will not prevail. Matt 16:18

So I prayed for us, and then I wrote this blog.

A marathon is a long race. I’ve never run one. The closest I’ve come to a marathon is a 5k and it nearly killed me, but the two races share a common goal, just keep running, and finish the race. Even if it hurts, even if you are tired, just run.

When I ran my first 5k, my friend Janae ran the entire thing with me. You should know, she could have ran circles around me, but chose instead to serve as my own personal cheerleader. It was 19 degrees and there were many times I wanted to quit. But each time, there was Janae, smiling next to me encouraging me to just keep running. Her boundless energy drove me to insanity, but I knew she wasn’t going to let me quit. I venture to say had I tried to quit, Janae may have thrown me over her shoulder and carried me to the finish line. By the end of that race, I was running better than at the beginning, and all I really remember about it was how great it felt to finish, and how thankful I was Janae hadn’t let me give up.

During the race there were moments of joy and excitement, but it was at the finish line when I realized it had all been worth it, that I received my reward.

Marriage is like that. A race. For some a marathon, for others a 5k, only God knows the distance you’ll have to run but the principle remains the same.

Just keep running.

The reward of marriage isn’t realized instantly, although there are so many moments of great joy, the reward comes when we realize it is worth it… all of it. We cheat our spouse and ourselves when we lose sight of the reward and drop out of the race.

Just keep running.

Run past the hurdles. Few go into marriage blind, assuming there won’t be any trials, they assume instead they will be strong enough to jump over them… most are wrong. Truth is, we aren’t that strong. On our own, our flesh is the only strength we have, and like it or not, our flesh hates marriage.

Don’t be fooled, your flesh can’t love your spouse; it can only love the way your spouse makes you feel. Your flesh is dangerously narcissistic. Once that feeling of love is gone or challenged, a heart ruled by the flesh is ready to quit the race.

Just keep running.

Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world. You have everything you need to push through life’s hurdles. Submit to the spirit in you and let Him fight for your marriage.

Just keep running.

Submitting to the Spirit might mean lightening your load (Heb 12:1), getting rid of anything that threatens your race. Look, the message of this world is this, “if it doesn’t work you can always get divorced and there won’t be any consequences”, drop out, quit the race. This message weighs down any marriage! Each time a trial comes, you’ll find yourself wondering if this is your marriage not working or thinking it might be time to bail. Have you heard that message? It’s everywhere. If it’s in you, ask God to clean it out, and run.

Just keep running until you finish the race.

How long is the race? Until death separates you. That’s what you promised. That’s what you agreed to when you said I do, on that day when forever didn’t seem long enough.

You don’t have to run alone.

There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. He will never leave you or forsake you. He knows each tear you’ve cried. He is your ever-present help in times of trouble. He will bind any brokenness, and carry your burdens. His name is Jesus, and He knows your name too. Hold Him close to your heart, and He whispers in your ear, “keep running. I am your reward”.

I haven’t finished this race; I’m only eight years in. But I am still running. When hurdles pop up… and they always do… and when sin weighs me down, and it sometimes does, by God’s grace and strength I choose to keep running. Every time I have a chance to quit and choose to run instead, I grow stronger; we grow stronger, faster, better. There is great reward in being faithful.

Just keep running.

I don’t know what kind of hurdles you will face, and maybe it seems overly simplistic for some scenarios. But ask anyone who’s finished and they will tell you it is worth it in the end. God won’t give up on your marriage, and He is willing to carry you across that finish line, if you need Him to. However you make it across, He is cheering for you every step.

Believing God for radical marriages that change the world. Praying for you this week.

You can read how death saved my marriage here.

You Scared Me…Fear Lost

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Have you ever let fear win?

Tonight I caught a case of writer’s block. At least that’s what I thought at first, until I realized I was just afraid.

The first step to beating your fears, is to acknowledge them.

I was afraid of you.

I was afraid because every time I write, or speak I become vulnerable to your critique. Now I’m sure you would never behave ugly or say rude things, but imagine for a second you know the person who would. Aren’t they scary?

For a second I could hear them snickering, “Oh yeah, she is changing the world one run-on sentence at a time”, and then laughing in a high-pitched voice. (High-pitched voices sound much more sinister in my mind).

Fear wins when we walk away.

I put my pen down, and decided I would never write another word. I let fear win.

I decided to stop writing and something interesting happened; the fear went away. The mocking stopped. The voices were silent. But instead of feeling peace, all I felt was defeat.

So, I did what most defeated women do, I ate a half a bag of Halloween candy that I swore I’d never touch. Incidentally, that did not help… and…now I have to buy more candy or endure the wrath of my 4-year-old. Despite my stomach revolting against me, I was still able to gain some much-needed perspective, “I’d rather fight fear that comes from steps of faith, than live in defeat from letting fear win.”

We don’t have to live in defeat.

Still feeling defeated (look, it takes more than cheap candy and an epiphany, those things just help steer me in the right direction), I picked up my pen and started to journal a prayer. I took comfort in the words of a “weeping prophet” who said, it was good to wait quietly for the Lord’s salvation (Lam 3:26). So I waited, and then it came. Yet another reminder, that we have the power to change the world.

“If God is for us, who can be against us… we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” Rom:8:31,37

Challenge your fears with Truth.

Steps of faith are sometimes scary and often met with opposition, even if it’s just voices in your head. Learn to silence them with truth. God is for you! More than a conqueror speaks of victory through oppositions, not just over them.

Christianity is about faith, not fear.

Don’t let fear win.

What is one fear that you have that keeps you from taking a step of faith. Are you willing to acknowledge it and let God give you victory over it?

How can I pray for you this week as you go out and change the world?


A Call to Close the Son of God orphanage in Haiti

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Haitian orphanage accused of abuse & trafficking children

This press release just went live. Feel free to share it with your networks and/or post it on your own blog:
Haiti orphanageAfter continued visits to the Son of God Orphanage in Carrefour, Haiti, six charitable organizations (Adventures in Missions, Bridgeway Church, Timberline Church, Children’s HopeChest, Journey Community Church, and Respire Haiti) have challenged the global community to force the hands of international leaders in the closure and investigation of the facility.
According to eye-witness accounts, the children at SOG have suffered some of the most heinous human rights abuses at the hands of the director of the orphanage, Maccene (Max) Hyppolite and his family.
Despite consistent delivery of relief for each child, including food, clothes, and medicine, the children have continued to suffer from malnourishment, curable diseases and parasites, as well as complete neglect of acute medical conditions.
A recent account included a one-year old baby who was severely burned and not treated until almost two weeks later.
Police conducted a successful sting operation after numerous individuals had been solicited by Hyppolite to purchase children. In July of 2011, Max Hyppolite was arrested while attempting to sell one of the orphans and he is currently in prison for child trafficking in Port au Prince.
Continued accounts from as recent as October 13th, 2011 indicate that the situation has only become worse, and to date there are 53 children who have disappeared and are unaccounted for.
The orphanage is currently being run by Hyppolite’s wife, Mary, who not only continues to say she does not know the whereabouts of the children, but has also threatened the lives of the relief workers who have sought assistance in from the Haitian government organization, IBESR (Institut du Bien Etre et de Recherches).
Given the sharing of information from IBESR to the Hyppolite family, cause for speculation has arisen regarding the government’s involvement in the trafficking of the children.
The six aforementioned organizations have worked together with Change.org to bring this issue to light. They have asked the global community to give these children the voice that has been  stolen from them in hopes of world leaders recognizing the human rights violations occurring and the immediate call for the closure and investigation of the Son of God Orphanage in Haiti.
Ways to get involved: 

Pretty little scars

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I have a scar on my right hand. It has a story.

I got it punching out a window…to save an endangered monkey. Hmmm… a baby seal… kitten? Yes, I punched through a window to save a kitten.

I actually got that scar washing dishes, but the other story would be much more impressive, would you mind passing it along?

We all have scars. Even if your body is free from them, chances are your heart and mind haven’t made it this far unscathed. Scars are the byproduct of a fallen world. They tell the world we’ve fallen, been cut into, been hurt, been foolish, sacrificed, fought, been clumsy, or have been sick.

We all have scars. Have you ever wished you could change their story? You know, make it more impressive, more palatable, less painful maybe? I know I have.

Some scars are caused by others, but often our scars are self-inflicted. We scar ourselves by making choices that cause us to fall. Those are the scars we are most likely to hide.

Don’t hide your scars. You are not the only one who falls.

“We all stumble in many ways” James 3:2

Don’t hide your scars. There is no shame in scars.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Romans 8:1

Don’t hide your scars. They are proof of your healing.

“for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again” Prov 24:16

If you remained on the ground, you’d have no scar, but a scar is proof that you bleed but didn’t die.

Don’t hide your scars; they are the power of God in your life.

“the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Cor 1:4

There is a world of people dying from the traps that you survived, what a testimony!

Every scar tells a story. A story of healing, a story of restoration, and a story of survival. Don’t be ashamed of your scars.

Praying for you this week. That God would heal your wounds and give you confidence in the story of your scars.